Happy Birthday Kallie Paige! You're ONE!

Warning: Long-winded ramblings of a first-time mom ahead! Proceed with caution...and with a lot of time on your hands, it'll take awhile to get through it all:)

Well, it actually happened...my baby turned 1!!! I didn't think this day would come, I watched all my friend's babies turn one, but thought I'd somehow escape it and keep my baby a baby forever:) We celebrated both our birthdays today (that's right, I turned 24 while in labor...talk about a birthday experience!!:) at Lyndon's parents house. Lindy made us a delicious dinner, and had some fabulous cakes for us to enjoy. Lyndon's Oma and Opa also joined in the celebration, which was wonderful! We're having Kallie's 'real' bday party next Sunday, my family is coming into town and we're inviting some friends as well...I'll post pics of that next week!

So (here's where the rambling part comes in)..I've had a lot of mixed emotions this past week. On one hand, I am so excited for Kallie to turn one and be turning into a toddler, I just love seeing more and more of who she is and the little girl she is going to become. But part of me is sad too...there were so many firsts (for her and us) this past year that can never be repeated, and our baby is growing up! I think what's made me the most emotional is the sudden realization of how fast this year went by, and that it's just going to pick up pace as the years go on. I'm not ready for that!!! People tell you it will go by way too fast, but you just don't understand until you have a child and watch it (barely) zoom by.

Mmmm...these bath toys from Nana aren't only fun, they're delicious!

A gift from Nana and Papa...just my size! I love it!

This past year has by far been the best of my life! Some of you know that I had a very difficult pregnancy (and the lucky ones REALLY know:), both with physical illness and also with the extreme anxiety I struggled with. I'm not going to go into all the details, but I do want to be honest.
Kallie was a surprise for us, and I didn't feel ready at all. I was in a complete state of panic almost my entire pregnancy, and right up until she was born, I wasn't sure if 'I was going to be able to do this!' The overwhelming repsonsibility that is involved in raising a child is a serious one. I remember thinking at one time, 'why do people even have kids? there's so much to worry about! And plan for! And what if I mess it all up? And I kinda like being selfish, and being able to do what I want, when I want!' I know, great attitude for an expecting mom, huh?!?:) I had so many fears and worries, and if I had only been able to get a glimpse of what being a mom to my Kallie Paige was going to be like, wow, I would've had a much different pregnancy! I still think being a parent can be difficult, and I definitely worry about how I'm doing as a mom and how everything affects Kallie (there is such a thing as being TOO aware, and having TOO much information:), but with God's grace, we're just taking it one day at a time and doing the best we can (and praying a whole lot:)!

And it's safe to say that now, I do get why people have children:) I have never in my life experienced joy like I have with my daughter. The love I feel for her, the way she amazes me, lights up my life, it's like nothing else! There have, of course, been trials through this first year as well, but I would take them on a thousand times more just for an hour with Kallie:) Being with her gives me a happiness and peace like no other.
Before Kallie was born, I didn't know that a little noise, smile, movement, hiccup or sneeze could make me so happy. I didn't know that the absolute best sound on earth was that of my baby laughing:) I really didn't know you could love someone this much, feel so fiercely protective of someone you've just 'met', or actually WANT to stay awake at night to watch a baby sleep!
This year has been such an amazing one. Lyndon and I have grown so much closer, seeing him as a dad has made me fall in love with him in a whole new way. I have learned and grown so much, and I have experienced riches and blessings that God is showering us with in ways I never could have imagined.

Kallie Paige, you are the best thing that could ever have happened to us! You are such an amazing, joy-filled little girl, and we love you so much!!! We thank God every day for you, and how He's changed our life through you! We're so excited for year 2 (and all the ones after that!)

Getting ready for cake...the party dress had to come off!

Kallie was suprisingly cautious and tidy...she actually didn't eat much cake at all!

The 'after party':) Pigtails come out, sleeper comes on! Time to go home and sleep, it's been a long day!